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Posts Tagged ‘police’

Malaysian man mangles member

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 27, 2014 at 12:03 pm

Yet another home made cock ring catastrophe. From the Inquirer.net

Firemen in the Malaysian city of Kota Baru showed they were up for the job when called upon to remove a steel ring stuck around a man’s penis.

Another way to strangle your cock

Another way to strangle your cock

Zaki Ismail, from the fire station here, said they received a call from the emergency room of the Raja Perempuan Zainab II Hospital at about 7:25 a.m. on Sunday.

Zaki said the ring, which was made out of stainless steel, looked like a vehicle spare part.

“We were concentrating on the job of removing the ring. The man was also unconscious at the time. We had to go back to the station to get the right tools to perform the procedure.

‘When asked how the ring got stuck over the man’s penis, he said he was unsure as he did not have details

Oregon wanker falls in river

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 11, 2014 at 12:03 pm

A quick pull in the park goes wrong. From Football365.com

A naked and drunk man was pulled out of a river by U.S. police after he masturbated in a park in broad daylight.

some other river wankers

some other river wankers

Ernest Michael Kirk, 31, needed to be rescued after falling into the Willamette River while pleasuring himself in Clackamette Park in Oregon City, the Portland Tribune reports.

Police received a phone call around 2 p.m. Saturday (local time) and when they arrived at the scene they caught Kirk in the act. The police officers tried to talk to him, but Kirk did not stop his behavior and lost consciousness before falling into the river

Wanker gets tazed

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 21, 2014 at 3:29 pm

Crystal Meth’d cock fiddler gets shocked. From Oregon Live.

A Beaverton man was arrested following a string of erratic outbursts that culminated in the suspect allegedly masturbating in a Salem roadhouse, officials said.

1316983526_electricCock1.1

It took a Taser and more than a dozen officers on Sunday to finally subdue Andrew Frey inside Iggy’s Bar & Grill on Portland Road Northeast, the Marion County Sheriff’s office said.

The 37-year-old man later told authorities he had used methamphetamine the day before and had no recollection of the alleged wild behavior, according to officials.

The brouhaha began around 1 p.m. when sheriff’s deputies started receiving reports of man acting bizarrely in the 9000 block of Brooklake Road Northeast, officials said.

The man, identified as Frey, had allegedly called a locksmith and later refused to pay the worker for his services, Marion County officials said.

After allegedly stiffing the locksmith, Frey wandered over to Brook’s Market and refused to leave, officials said. An employee at the market had to eventually escort the alleged suspect off of the property, who then made his way to Iggy’s Bar & Grill.

That’s when Frey’s behavior allegedly took a turn for the vulgar, Marion County officials said.

A bartender told authorities that Frey exposed his genitals and started masturbating at the bar, officials said. By the time a Marion County deputy arrived on scene, Frey had moved from the bar to the bathroom, but reportedly had not stopped pleasuring himself.

Frey allegedly resisted arrest, forcing the deputy to zap the suspect with a Taser multiple times, officials said. The Taser had no effect on Frey, who then allegedly starting fighting with the deputy, officials said.

At least 15 police officers from Salem, Keizer and Marion County rushed to the bar and were eventually able to take the suspect into custody, officials said.

Frey was later charged with public indecency, resisting arrest and theft.

Chinese car threesome climaxes in crash

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 19, 2014 at 11:01 am

Motor menage a trois ends with a bang.

A sexually adventurous trio met on a night out in Wenzhou, China, and after a bit of courting the two girls and a guy opted for a threesome in a parked car.

Nice trousers..pervert

Nice trousers..pervert

Some men don’t see the appeal of sleeping with two girls at once, as it simply doubles the chance of them pushing the wrong button – this proved all too true for Chung Yeh, the Ross Geller of the People’s Republic, when he accidentally kicked the handbrake off.

The car rolled down a hill and crashed into a tree while the threesome were in flagrante.

While the fool who caused the crash walked away without a scratch, the girls weren’t so lucky. One suffered internal bleeding and the other had to be cut free. They later discovered she’d broken both her legs.

A police spokesperson confirmed that ‘carnal knowledge’ had been occurring inside the vehicle.

‘The driver is being investigated for lewd acts in a public place,’ they added. ‘As the women will be when they are fit enough to answer charges.’

 

 

Burglar in crotchless panties falls through sex store roof

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm

Adult store capers down in OZ. from ABC Australia.

A male thief wearing a dress and crotchless panties attacked a Brisbane sex shop woker during a bungled burglary.

Chances of anyone involved looking like this-zero

Chances of anyone involved looking like this-zero

Police say the 34-year-old man forced his way through the ceiling of the store in the northern suburb of Aspley in the early hours of Saturday morning.

The female manager of the store was alerted when the man set off an alarm.

When the owner confronted the man, who was wearing a wig, dress and crotchless pants, he allegedly threw a number of sex toys at the woman.

The thief climbed back through the ceiling and onto the roof where he was arrested by police.

The Murrumba Downs man has been charged with break and enter and possessing dangerous drugs.

Police wife swappers fight it out at party

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 9, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Cop swingfest turns violent. From USA Today.

Two Denver police officers are being investigated after a fight that allegedly occurred at an officer’s home during a swingers party.

 

chances anyone involved looked like this-zero

chances anyone involved looked like this-zero

The alleged incident took place May 19 at Officer Steven Sloan’s Aurora, Colo., home, where he and his wife were hosting a get together with Officer Jeremy Ownbey and his wife, according to sources.

An argument started and the two women allegedly started fighting. The officers also got into an altercation. Aurora police say Sloan pulled his gun during the incident.

The two officers been placed on desk duty while the investigation continues, according to the Denver Post, which cited a Denver police spokeswoman.

Formal charges have not been filed.

The Aurora Police Department said it is investigating the accusations that the two officers have a history of swinging, a practice where couples share partners.

Aurora police also said four officers who responded to the incident are now the subject of an internal affairs investigation for not conducting a DUI investigation on Ownbey.

“We should have investigated further” police spokesman Frank Fania said. “We made a poor decision.”

Cop shoots man after catching couple having sex in community pool

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 31, 2014 at 10:00 am

Sex paddle ends with bullets

Authorities say an off-duty deputy shot a man after a confrontation with a couple that was having sex in the pool of a Boca Raton housing complex, according to NBC affiliate WPTV.

Dolphin kissing

The deputy, who lives in Reflections of Boca del Mar at 5500 Pacific Blvd, said he found the couple engaging in sexual activity, WPTV reported. He told the couple that he is a deputy and asked them to leave the premises.

Although they left reluctantly, the couple returned a short time later and the man approached the deputy, who was sitting in a lounge chair, according to WPTV.

 

South African woman bites off penis during blow job

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 25, 2014 at 5:02 pm

Cocksucker goes cannibal. From News 24.

A woman was arrested in Soweto on Monday after she allegedly bit off a portion of a man’s penis, Gauteng police said.

Broken Bagette

‘”She was arrested at the police station after she followed the complainant to the station,” said Constable Sibusiso Chauke.

‘The two met at a tavern in Meadowlands, Soweto on Saturday.

‘”The victim, aged 38, proposed to the suspect and she agreed. They also agreed to go to the victim’s place of residence to have sexual intercourse,” Chauke said.

‘On arrival at the house, the woman told the man to unzip his trousers so she can perform oral sex on him.

‘”He did so and she bit off a front portion of his private parts. He managed to push her [away]… He was taken to hospital and was released today [Monday],” said Chauke.

Wii sex bet game ends in death

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 14, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Canadian cop shoots wife after video game sex gambling goes wrong.

An argument over a sex bet placed on a video game escalated into a full-blown relationship crisis that ended in the shooting death of his common-law wife, a retired RCMP officer testified at his second-degree murder trial.

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Keith Wiens admitted to firing a single shot into the head of Lynn Kalmring in August 2011 at their Penticton home, but maintains she was carrying a knife and he acted in self-defence. His trial, in front of a jury in B.C. Supreme Court in Kelowna, continued this week after a one-month break.

 On the witness stand Thursday, Wiens said the pair arrived home from a motorcycle ride around 5 p.m. the day before the shooting.

They drank alcohol, ate dinner, then played Nintendo Wii video games. He said the two often made bets of a sexual nature on the games.

He lost the bet that night, and when he went to bed around 10:40 p.m., found sex toys on his pillow, but moved them aside because he wanted to rest up for a golf game the next day. He said Kalmring became upset when she saw that he was not in the mood to settle the bet.

Wiens said she confronted him a number of times afterwards as he tried to sleep and suggested that he didn’t want to have sex with her because he was no longer attracted to her, and that he wanted to go to work in Grande Prairie to get out of their relationship.

“I said, ‘No, it’s nothing to do with that. I love you. I just need to get some sleep,’” he recalled.

Kalmring, he continued, was drunk and grew increasingly agitated before he told her to go to their spare bedroom, which she did. He then fell asleep, but woke later to her hitting him.

He eventually told her to pack her things and go live with her kids.  At that, “I would say that she snapped,” Wiens said, and after a final expletive-filled tirade, she left again. Wiens said he then armed himself with the handgun he kept in his beside table because he feared for his life.

“She was not Lynn. She was crazy and she’d just assaulted me when I was sound asleep, and I was worried about what was coming next.”

Soon, he said, she re-entered the bedroom with a knife and rushed at him.

“I backed up … and I lifted up my gun and I shot her,” Wiens said, his voice rising in pitch and growing quieter.

After watching Kalmring collapse onto the floor, he said, he put the gun in its holster on the bed, and walked to the bathroom where he vomited into the toilet. Next, he called 911, got dressed, and went outside to surrender to police.

As he began filling in more details, Wiens wiped his eyes, blew his nose and resumed his normal voice. He also testified the argument that led up to the shooting was the first the couple had ever had.

Under cross-examination by Crown counsellor Colin Forsyth, however, Wiens admitted they’d previously had one other “minor” fight. He explained the “semi-disagreement” happened at a Willie Nelson concert when he dissuaded her from breaking into the singer’s dressing room to flash her breasts.

“That’s the only time we had a disagreement with each other,” Wiens said.

Forsyth then went over the contents of a letter that Wiens wrote to Kalmring early on Jan. 1, 2011, that began, “I don’t take kindly to being told f**k you … however that’s alright, I can accept it.”

Wiens insisted the letter was not written as a result of an argument, nor did it constitute one.

“She used to say f**k you if I didn’t do the dishes, too. That was just her terminology,” he said.

Forsyth and Wiens also sparred over other small details, including what targets at shooting ranges are meant to depict and the proper use of exclamation marks.

Some of Wiens’ answers drew looks of apparent amusement from a pair of male jurors, who smirked as he spoke, while other members of the 12-person panel took notes.

Earlier in the week, a forensic pathologist testified he believed the knife found in Kalmring’s hand by police was placed there after her death, because she would have dropped it if she’d been holding it when she was shot.

Dr. William Currie also testified that had the knife remained in her hand as she fell to the floor, it wouldn’t have been easily removed from her grasp, as a police officer testified it was.

 

 

 

25 bike cops catch pair having sex in park

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 27, 2013 at 9:47 pm

Not the best time for al fresco sex in the park when it’s police training day

A pack of 25 police officers who were participating in an Upper Darby bicycle school for cops were shocked when they rode up on a man and woman having sex on a bench near the baseball diamond at Naylor’s Run Park yesterday afternoon, said Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood.

sex outdoors

The gorgeous pair

“Imagine being arrested by 25 cops,” Chitwood said.”They were as shocked as the police were.”

Once a year, the Upper Darby Police Department conducts a bicycle training school for officers from other departments and this year the class of 25 included cops from Haverford, Narberth, Clifton Heights and various other departments.

Officers do classroom work the first day of the five-day school, which certifies the officers to operate a bicycle on police patrol, but the remaining four days are spent out on the streets of Upper Darby on their bicycles, Chitwood said.

“When you see 25 police officers biking through, it’s kind of impressive,” he said.

Around 4 p.m. yesterday, the bicycle cops were finishing up their daily ride in Naylor’s Run Park. They had passed by the kids on swings and the people on the tennis courts and then they rode up to the baseball diamond, where they were startled by a man and woman who were participating in a different kind of aerobic activity, Chitwood said.

“There they are, on the first base line. There’s a bench, she is bent over the bench and our friend is behind her with his pants down to his ankle,” Chitwood said, “banging away.”

Mind you, it was 92 degrees and 4 o’clock in the afternoon when the cops rolled up on this. Chitwood said there was no one else around before police startled the couple, but as they were arresting them, a teenager did walk by, receiving lessons in both anatomy and criminal justice.

Chitwood identified the couple as Jennifer Harvey, 41, of Clifton Heights, and Richard McBride, 37, of North Philadelphia. “They don’t have parks in Philadelphia?” Chitwood said. “They have parks. Stay over there.”

Chitwood said he didn’t know if the two were dating but he said police don’t suspect prostitution. “This was an interlude,” he said.

Harvey and McBride were both charged with open lewdness and disorderly conduct.

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