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Archive for June, 2014|Monthly archive page

Wanker gets tazed

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 21, 2014 at 3:29 pm

Crystal Meth’d cock fiddler gets shocked. From Oregon Live.

A Beaverton man was arrested following a string of erratic outbursts that culminated in the suspect allegedly masturbating in a Salem roadhouse, officials said.

1316983526_electricCock1.1

It took a Taser and more than a dozen officers on Sunday to finally subdue Andrew Frey inside Iggy’s Bar & Grill on Portland Road Northeast, the Marion County Sheriff’s office said.

The 37-year-old man later told authorities he had used methamphetamine the day before and had no recollection of the alleged wild behavior, according to officials.

The brouhaha began around 1 p.m. when sheriff’s deputies started receiving reports of man acting bizarrely in the 9000 block of Brooklake Road Northeast, officials said.

The man, identified as Frey, had allegedly called a locksmith and later refused to pay the worker for his services, Marion County officials said.

After allegedly stiffing the locksmith, Frey wandered over to Brook’s Market and refused to leave, officials said. An employee at the market had to eventually escort the alleged suspect off of the property, who then made his way to Iggy’s Bar & Grill.

That’s when Frey’s behavior allegedly took a turn for the vulgar, Marion County officials said.

A bartender told authorities that Frey exposed his genitals and started masturbating at the bar, officials said. By the time a Marion County deputy arrived on scene, Frey had moved from the bar to the bathroom, but reportedly had not stopped pleasuring himself.

Frey allegedly resisted arrest, forcing the deputy to zap the suspect with a Taser multiple times, officials said. The Taser had no effect on Frey, who then allegedly starting fighting with the deputy, officials said.

At least 15 police officers from Salem, Keizer and Marion County rushed to the bar and were eventually able to take the suspect into custody, officials said.

Frey was later charged with public indecency, resisting arrest and theft.

Chinese car threesome climaxes in crash

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 19, 2014 at 11:01 am

Motor menage a trois ends with a bang.

A sexually adventurous trio met on a night out in Wenzhou, China, and after a bit of courting the two girls and a guy opted for a threesome in a parked car.

Nice trousers..pervert

Nice trousers..pervert

Some men don’t see the appeal of sleeping with two girls at once, as it simply doubles the chance of them pushing the wrong button – this proved all too true for Chung Yeh, the Ross Geller of the People’s Republic, when he accidentally kicked the handbrake off.

The car rolled down a hill and crashed into a tree while the threesome were in flagrante.

While the fool who caused the crash walked away without a scratch, the girls weren’t so lucky. One suffered internal bleeding and the other had to be cut free. They later discovered she’d broken both her legs.

A police spokesperson confirmed that ‘carnal knowledge’ had been occurring inside the vehicle.

‘The driver is being investigated for lewd acts in a public place,’ they added. ‘As the women will be when they are fit enough to answer charges.’

 

 

Fat Man Sex Disaster

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 18, 2014 at 10:57 am

Nearly kills partner in chubby nookie.

When virgin Gregg Casarona had sex for the first time he smashed his girlfriend’s head through a wall. From Daily Mirror.

Obese Gregg had been dating Jen Gerakaris for a month when they decided to sleep with each other.

Unfortunately as 31 stone Casarona became Casanova he failed to take into account the power behind his near quarter of a ton weight.

As the amorous 21-year-old and his eight stone girlfriend got intimate, her head went right through the wall behind them.

Gregg said: “My initial reaction was, ‘I killed her. This is my first time. And Jen is dead.’”

Fortunately she saw the funny side and as she freed her head quipped: “Why did you stop?”

She said: “I wanted to lighten the mood.”

He took her to hospital but the couple were embarrassed to reveal the true reason for Jen’s concussion.

Luckily, a scan found there was no brain damage and tactless Gregg joked she “didn’t have a brain to begin with” much to his girlfriend’s displeasure

 

 

Man gets penis stuck in pipe for two days

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 12, 2014 at 10:23 am

Shamefaced Chinese man mates with metal and has terrible excuse. From UK Daily Mirror.

A Chinese man was left red-faced after getting his penis stuck in a pipe for two days.

Temptress

Temptress

Lian Tien came up with possibly the world’s most bizarre excuse for the embarrassing blunder – he was painting in the nude and slipped.

The 61-year-old said his ‘private parts’ became stuck in a pipe sticking out used to take water from the building’s air conditioning unit.

But he thought nobody would believe his story – so he stayed there for two days until he developed a fever and called doctors, who suggested they call for backup from the fire brigade.

Doc Dewei Yuan said: “The member had swollen so much that there was nothing more we could do, and we had to ask for help.”

Firefighters in Quanzhou City took four hours to cut off the pipe around the patient’s genitals.

An embarrassed Tien said: “It was hot so I was painting the wall in the nude, and I slipped on the floor causing my private parts to fall inside the pipe that was protruding from the wall to take water outside from the air conditioning unit. Unfortunately, I got stuck as a result.”

“I thought that no-one would believe me and I tried everything I could think of to get the damned thing off once it had got stuck.

“I cut it from the wall and tried pouring oil and liquid soap down the sides but my manhood was so tightly wedged that nothing dripped down.

“I went to sleep thinking that if I relaxed it would slide off. But it didn’t. It began to get red and inflamed. I was worried that I would get a terrible infection.”

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/man-penis-stuck-pipe-two-3676349#ixzz34Q2f9eLs
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Burglar in crotchless panties falls through sex store roof

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 10, 2014 at 12:46 pm

Adult store capers down in OZ. from ABC Australia.

A male thief wearing a dress and crotchless panties attacked a Brisbane sex shop woker during a bungled burglary.

Chances of anyone involved looking like this-zero

Chances of anyone involved looking like this-zero

Police say the 34-year-old man forced his way through the ceiling of the store in the northern suburb of Aspley in the early hours of Saturday morning.

The female manager of the store was alerted when the man set off an alarm.

When the owner confronted the man, who was wearing a wig, dress and crotchless pants, he allegedly threw a number of sex toys at the woman.

The thief climbed back through the ceiling and onto the roof where he was arrested by police.

The Murrumba Downs man has been charged with break and enter and possessing dangerous drugs.

Police wife swappers fight it out at party

In Carnal Catastrophes on June 9, 2014 at 1:31 pm

Cop swingfest turns violent. From USA Today.

Two Denver police officers are being investigated after a fight that allegedly occurred at an officer’s home during a swingers party.

 

chances anyone involved looked like this-zero

chances anyone involved looked like this-zero

The alleged incident took place May 19 at Officer Steven Sloan’s Aurora, Colo., home, where he and his wife were hosting a get together with Officer Jeremy Ownbey and his wife, according to sources.

An argument started and the two women allegedly started fighting. The officers also got into an altercation. Aurora police say Sloan pulled his gun during the incident.

The two officers been placed on desk duty while the investigation continues, according to the Denver Post, which cited a Denver police spokeswoman.

Formal charges have not been filed.

The Aurora Police Department said it is investigating the accusations that the two officers have a history of swinging, a practice where couples share partners.

Aurora police also said four officers who responded to the incident are now the subject of an internal affairs investigation for not conducting a DUI investigation on Ownbey.

“We should have investigated further” police spokesman Frank Fania said. “We made a poor decision.”

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