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Archive for May, 2014|Monthly archive page

Ear phone wank accident

In Carnal Catastrophes on May 27, 2014 at 1:13 pm

Chinese man confuses aural and oral pleasure with disastrous consequences. From Malaysian Chronicle.

A 32-year-old man underwent surgery in Shenzhen after he’d inserted an earphone wire into his urethra and it got stuck inside his body.

Slut

Slut

‘The patient, surnamed Luo, showed up at the Shenzhen Shuguang Hospital seeking medical treatment for a urinary tract infection, but initially failed to tell doctors about the headphone cable that he’d inserted up in there himself as a “home remedy”.

Xu Chang, vice-head of the hospital, said that Luo had suffered from numerous urinary tract infections. Apparently, the man performed this makeshift procedure on himself several times after a friend recommended the idea to him. On the last occasion, however, something went terribly awry

Candy rocks explode in vagina

In Carnal Catastrophes on May 19, 2014 at 9:40 am

Couple take sweet risk and pay the price. From NY Daily News

A frisky California wife ended up in the ER after she put exploding candy into her genitals during sex.

Next week's orgy attendents

Next week’s orgy attendents

The unnamed woman, from Newport Beach, reportedly thought inserting the tingling Pop Rocks confectionery into her vagina would increase her pleasure.

But the sweet treat actually had the opposite effect, and she started suffering burning and itching sensations.

Emergency room physician David Meyers, who treated the woman, said he was stunned when the couple revealed they’d used rocks to heighten their love-making.

Initially confused, it was only after further conversation with the frustrated duo that it emerged they were talking about the popular sweets.

“She said, ‘The rocks are supposed to have added to our sexual pleasure and I made my husband use them,'”

Half naked woman killed in car crash

In Carnal Catastrophes on May 15, 2014 at 9:40 am

From the Sun Sentinal

Deputies say a Loxahatchee Groves man was half-naked and speeding while drunk and stoned with his half-naked wife on his lap when the car he was driving launched over a canal, crashing into the far side.

The impact caused serious injuries to Matthew P. Notebaert, 30, but it killed his 31-year-old wife, Amanda, on March 9.

Notebaert made his first appearance in court on a host of charges Thursday morning. With Notebaert appearing to wipe away tears, a judge set bond at $50,000. The Notebaerts have two children, a 9-year-old boy and 7-month-old daughter, his attorney told the judge.

According to a Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office arrest affidavit, Notebaert was driving east on Stallion Drive at 55 mph at 12:30 a.m. The dead-end dirt road has a speed limit of 30 mph and ends at a canal. Investigators determined the car steered slightly to the right before launching over the canal, but there was no braking.

The car was airborne for 30 feet, crashing into the far bank of the canal. Neither of the Notebaerts were wearing seatbelts and both were naked from the waist down, according to the affidavit. Amanda Notebaert’s head hit the dashboard and windshield, while Matthew Notebaert’s knees were crushed by the lower part of the dashboard. She died at the scene.

An investigator at the hospital reported that Notebaert smelled strongly of alcohol and was vomiting. The investigator overheard Notebaert telling someone on a phone call that he “was not paying attention and drove down the wrong road and they wound up in a canal and killed his wife.”

A search of the crashed vehicle turned up a flask with a whisky-like liquid inside. Toxicology results showed Notebaert had a blood-alcohol level of .135 to .163 percent. The legal limit is .08 percent. Results also returned a high level of active and metabolized THC, the intoxicating ingredient in marijuana.

Notebaert was jailed Wednesday on charges of DUI manslaughter, vehicular homicide and DUI property damage.

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