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Archive for July, 2013|Monthly archive page

Man gets cock stuck sexing a toaster

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 30, 2013 at 9:54 am

London Fire Brigade release their weirdest cases today including the unfortunate tale of a man caught rogering his breakfast maker.  From NY Daily News.

London firefighters say they have freed hundreds of people with body parts trapped in toasters and other household objects in the last three years.

Another sexy toaster

The London Fire Brigade speculated that the popularity of erotic novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” may account for a rise in handcuffs-related emergencies.

“I don’t know whether it’s the ‘Fifty Shades’ effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up,” Third Officer Dave Brown said.

But strangest of all was the case of an man who caught his penis in his toatser. The anonymous victim called emergency and was freed by members of the fore service.

The service was also called out to free 9 men who had trapped their genitals in rings.

 

Sex woman gets head trapped in iron railings

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 26, 2013 at 6:32 am

Russian rumpy pumpy goes awry. From Digital Spy.

A woman got her head stuck in railings while having sex with her boyfriend.

sex in westeros

Also likes iron..of the throne kind

The 46-year-old, from Lipetsk in Russia, said that she wanted to “spice things up” with her man.

A neighbour called the police after finding the woman naked and unable to free herself from the stairwell.

When police arrived, the woman said that she had been having consensual sex with her partner when she became stuck. Her boyfriend was not around when the officers turned up.

Emergency worker Alexei Dotsenko told Pronews48.ru: “In all my time working as a rescuer, I don’t recall any incident like this one.”

Read more: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/odd/news/a499935/woman-gets-head-stuck-in-railings-during-sex.html#ixzz2a88RFDhw

Ibiza firemen free German tourist stuck in sex toy

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 19, 2013 at 10:29 am

Teuton traps todger in Spanish sex toy. From The Local.

Medics in Ibiza were forced to enlist the help of buzz saw wielding fre fighters on Wednesday to free a German tourist from the clutches of a steel sex toy.

Some other cocks looking for a ring

Emergency services needed two hours to cut through the metal ring, described  as a type of “armour plating”, into which the man had placed his penis and testicles.

The firemen on hand needed two changes of battery and a second rotating blade for their buzz saw to free the man, local daily Diario de Mallorca reported on Friday.

There were “plenty of sparks” during the operation to remove the sex toy which measured 15cm in diameter.

The two-hour procedure was described as “very complex” because the man became “more swollen” with time.

He was also said to have complained a lot.

To finish the operation it was necessary to administer a total anaesthetic.

The fire crew received their unusual call-out at 10pm on Wednesday after medics at Ibiza’s Can Misses hospital discovered they didn’t have the tools to do the job.

It is not known how the man, a 51-yr-old German, got to the hospital.

This is not the first time that Majorcan fire-fighters have been called upon to free people from sex toys but “never one as big as this”.

After an overnight stay in the Urology department of the hospital the man is reported to have felt fine.

Read more here http://www.thelocal.es/20130705/buzzsaw-rescue-for-sex-armour-man

Cow sex causes car crash

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 14, 2013 at 4:58 pm

Randy Russian livestock caught on dash cam crash

 

Wii sex bet game ends in death

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 14, 2013 at 4:46 pm

Canadian cop shoots wife after video game sex gambling goes wrong.

An argument over a sex bet placed on a video game escalated into a full-blown relationship crisis that ended in the shooting death of his common-law wife, a retired RCMP officer testified at his second-degree murder trial.

424707_110122091033_wii_zapper_3

 

Keith Wiens admitted to firing a single shot into the head of Lynn Kalmring in August 2011 at their Penticton home, but maintains she was carrying a knife and he acted in self-defence. His trial, in front of a jury in B.C. Supreme Court in Kelowna, continued this week after a one-month break.

 On the witness stand Thursday, Wiens said the pair arrived home from a motorcycle ride around 5 p.m. the day before the shooting.

They drank alcohol, ate dinner, then played Nintendo Wii video games. He said the two often made bets of a sexual nature on the games.

He lost the bet that night, and when he went to bed around 10:40 p.m., found sex toys on his pillow, but moved them aside because he wanted to rest up for a golf game the next day. He said Kalmring became upset when she saw that he was not in the mood to settle the bet.

Wiens said she confronted him a number of times afterwards as he tried to sleep and suggested that he didn’t want to have sex with her because he was no longer attracted to her, and that he wanted to go to work in Grande Prairie to get out of their relationship.

“I said, ‘No, it’s nothing to do with that. I love you. I just need to get some sleep,’” he recalled.

Kalmring, he continued, was drunk and grew increasingly agitated before he told her to go to their spare bedroom, which she did. He then fell asleep, but woke later to her hitting him.

He eventually told her to pack her things and go live with her kids.  At that, “I would say that she snapped,” Wiens said, and after a final expletive-filled tirade, she left again. Wiens said he then armed himself with the handgun he kept in his beside table because he feared for his life.

“She was not Lynn. She was crazy and she’d just assaulted me when I was sound asleep, and I was worried about what was coming next.”

Soon, he said, she re-entered the bedroom with a knife and rushed at him.

“I backed up … and I lifted up my gun and I shot her,” Wiens said, his voice rising in pitch and growing quieter.

After watching Kalmring collapse onto the floor, he said, he put the gun in its holster on the bed, and walked to the bathroom where he vomited into the toilet. Next, he called 911, got dressed, and went outside to surrender to police.

As he began filling in more details, Wiens wiped his eyes, blew his nose and resumed his normal voice. He also testified the argument that led up to the shooting was the first the couple had ever had.

Under cross-examination by Crown counsellor Colin Forsyth, however, Wiens admitted they’d previously had one other “minor” fight. He explained the “semi-disagreement” happened at a Willie Nelson concert when he dissuaded her from breaking into the singer’s dressing room to flash her breasts.

“That’s the only time we had a disagreement with each other,” Wiens said.

Forsyth then went over the contents of a letter that Wiens wrote to Kalmring early on Jan. 1, 2011, that began, “I don’t take kindly to being told f**k you … however that’s alright, I can accept it.”

Wiens insisted the letter was not written as a result of an argument, nor did it constitute one.

“She used to say f**k you if I didn’t do the dishes, too. That was just her terminology,” he said.

Forsyth and Wiens also sparred over other small details, including what targets at shooting ranges are meant to depict and the proper use of exclamation marks.

Some of Wiens’ answers drew looks of apparent amusement from a pair of male jurors, who smirked as he spoke, while other members of the 12-person panel took notes.

Earlier in the week, a forensic pathologist testified he believed the knife found in Kalmring’s hand by police was placed there after her death, because she would have dropped it if she’d been holding it when she was shot.

Dr. William Currie also testified that had the knife remained in her hand as she fell to the floor, it wouldn’t have been easily removed from her grasp, as a police officer testified it was.

 

 

 

Brazilian Prostitute at Work Died After Brothel Window Plunge

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 8, 2013 at 9:02 pm

Slip up at Brazilian sex club

A sex club has been ordered to pay thousands of pounds to the family of a prostitute who fell out of a window while on the job.

brazil sex club

The 25-year-old sex worker was ‘entertaining’ a client in one of the upstairs rooms of Felina Prive, a club in Piracicaba, Brazil, when disaster struck.

The woman plummeted from the window onto the ground outside. She was paralysed in the fall and died from her injuries in 2009.

Prior to her death the woman sued Felina Prive by claiming employee rights, but the club disputed liability.

Now a judge has ordered Felina Prive to pay out £60,000 to the woman’s bereaved family for the incident.

He said: “Because of the fall, she became dependent.”

 

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