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Archive for April, 2013|Monthly archive page

‘Dead’ prostitute leaps from her coffin

In Carnal Catastrophes on April 29, 2013 at 10:36 am

Zombie hooker causes panic. From The Sun.

A prostitute in Zimbabwe ‘died’ during a hotel romp with a client – only to come back to life as her body was being put in a coffin.

someone else who rose for the dead gagging for sex

someone else who rose from the dead gagging for sex

The vice girl reportedly collapsed during a sex session last week at the Manor Hotel in Bulaweyo.

Convinced she was dead, her shocked client called the police – who sent paramedics to collect the body.

But as they were loading the ‘corpse’ into a metal coffin, the hooker suddenly woke up screaming.

Local news reports claim she leaped from the casket, yelling: “You want to kill me, you want to kill me”.

Man made 6,000 hoax calls saying his penis was stuck in household objects

In Carnal Catastrophes on April 11, 2013 at 9:39 am

Now this one is just plain weird.

Welsh bachelor Gareth Lloyd has avoided a jail term after making nearly 6,000 phone calls in three months saying his manhood was stuck in household objects including a jam jar and a vacuum cleaner.

MoeSzyslak8

The court heard an extensive search was launched to track down the nuisance caller.Lloyd, of Bryn y Coed, Holywell, made 5,800 calls from an unregistered pay-as-you-go mobile phone between February and April.

BT traced the number but police could not find him.

He was only caught when his number came up on another mobile phone police were analysing. Prosecutor Justin Espie said some people spoke of their upset and anxiety at the calls.

Lloyd, who is a carer for his 84-year-old mother, apologised and said he did not realise the impact it would have. Flintshire magistrates’ court heard some of the calls were of a sexual nature, but that he never went into explicit detail.

Phillip Marshall-Thomas, defending, said there was no obscene language or threats of violence.

‘He thought that he was having a bit of a joke. It was a joke in poor taste, perhaps a little perverted to say the least. He accepts that,’ Mr Marshall-Thomas said.

‘He now realises that his behaviour was totally unacceptable.’

The court heard that Lloyd does not have a drinking problem, but that some of the calls were made after he had been drinking.

Lloyd admitted making calls which caused annoyance, inconvenience and needless anxiety, and making calls which were grossly offensive.

He was given a 12-month community order after pleading guilty to three charges under the Telecommunications Act.

District judge Andrew Shaw also banned him from using a mobile phone other than a contract phone, where his details would be registered, for 12 months.

Lloyd was told to pay £85 costs.

Porn addict rushed to hospital after he puts live eel up bum

In Carnal Catastrophes on April 10, 2013 at 9:39 am

Bum fun turns rum. From The Sun.

The man – from southern China – preformed the bizarre act after seeing it done in a kinky blue movie.

eel inside man

But the unmarried man had to rush himself to a hospital casualty unit in Guangdong province telling medics: “Please, please help me. The eel is moving through my body.”

Surgeons finally removed the 20-inch long Asian swamp eel – which weighed more than half-a-kilo – in the early hours of the morning after a lengthy treatment with drugs and medical probes.

One of the medical team explained: “The eel was simply trying to find its way out.”

“It was still alive when we got it out but it died soon afterwards, which was probably a mercy.

“This was a particularly idiotic stunt and could have caused him a serious injury. Eels have small but very sharp teeth,” they added.

A police spokesman said: “We are aware of what happened and a 39-year-old man will be interviewed over alleged animal cruelty.”
Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4880024/porn-addict-rushed-to-hospital-after-he-put-live-eel-up-bum.html#ixzz2Q3BWMc50

Man gets penis trapped in sixteen washers

In Carnal Catastrophes on April 9, 2013 at 9:25 am

Big dong, small washers, or tiny penis? From UK Metro.

A man in Australia had to undergo emergency surgery using fire brigade equipment to remove sixteen stainless stell washers that had somehow become lodged on his penis.

cock chomper

Don’t put your precious in this

Fire Rescue officers had raced to help the man at about 3am, after the washers became stuck on his penis in mysterious circumstances.

After spending over an hour attempting to free his genitalia from the washers, the fire officers transported the man to hospital in Hornsby, a suburb to the north-west of Sydney.

There, surgeons took a further ninety minutes to finally extract his penis from the metallic embrace of the washers, having to use the fire service’s cutting equipment because the hospital’s regular ring-removing devices couldn’t cope with the girth of the washers.

The man is not expected to suffer any lasting damage. The precise set of events that led up to his penis being covered in washers is currently unknown.

Man and dog hurt in Satanic sex romp

In Carnal Catastrophes on April 2, 2013 at 10:54 am

Very strange story here from the Cheesehead state.

When Milwaukee police arrived in the 900 block of East Knapp Street on Sunday night, they said had no idea they were stumbling into a strange crime scene of sex, violence and the occult, police say.

satan hound
According to a search warrant, Rebecca Chandler, 22, invited an 18-year-old man from Arizona to her east side apartment. He said he arrived from Arizona by bus and for two days was tied up and repeatedly stabbed.

Doctors said the victim was cut more than 300 times.

The man eventually got free and ran for help, leaving behind a trail of blood that was visible in the apartment hallway days later.

Chandler told police the cutting started as part of a sexual encounter that got out of hand. She said her roommate did most of the cutting.

Sources identified the roommate as Raven Larrabee, 20, of Colorado.

Chandler said Larrabee is into satanic and occult activities. Police said they found a number of books about those topics in the apartment, including “Werewolf’s Guide To Life” and “Necromantic Ritual Book.”

The victim met the women on the Internet, according to court records.

Police sources said it was on the website GaiaOnline.com, a website where people create online avatars and interact with each other through those characters.

We’ve also learned the suspects owned a dog that was cut.
Read more: http://www.wisn.com/Dog-May-Have-Been-Injured-In-Satanic-Sex-Romp/-/9374034/8044570/-/xiigrz/-/index.html#ixzz2P76v7k00

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