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Archive for March, 2013|Monthly archive page

Threesome gets all stabby

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 30, 2013 at 11:03 am

Guess they had to do something to warm up those long dark Dakotan nights.

A stabbing reported by a naked man who called 911 from an alley in north Fargo early Friday was a case of a ménage a trois gone wrong, police allege in court records.

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‘Ya ya, she likes to be airtight’

Ashley Hunter, 33, was charged Monday in Cass County District Court with a single count of aggravated assault after police say he stabbed Orlando DeWitt, a friend of his who was visiting him at his home in the 700 block of Fourth Street North, court records state.

According to police reports filed with the charges: Hunter invited three women over to his home, and then the group, including DeWitt, went drinking at the Windbreak Bar on 32nd Avenue South.

After they returned home, Hunter joined DeWitt and one of the women in a sexual act, DeWitt later told police.

When Hunter asked DeWitt to switch positions, he refused and the two men began arguing, DeWitt told police.

Hunter then reached into the couch and pulled out what DeWitt described to officers as a butcher knife 12 inches long and an inch wide.

The woman grabbed her clothing and ran into the bathroom with DeWitt, who left his clothes behind.

Hunter began pounding on the door, telling him to get out of the house, at one point forcing the door open and splintering the wood.

DeWitt told police he “decided to run for the front door,” and as he did so he said he felt the knife cut his arm.

DeWitt told police he grabbed the woman’s phone from the table as he ran out to call 911 from the alley.

While in the alley, he could hear Hunter yelling that he was going to kill him, and that he could get his clothing off the porch, DeWitt told investigators.

Court documents say police recovered a knife fitting DeWitt’s description from the drain board in the home.

They also found blood stains leading from the front door of the house to the alley.

Hunter was taken into custody Friday. In a court appearance Monday on a Class C felony charge of aggravated assault, Hunter’s bail was set at $5,000.

Escort on Ecstasy charged with attempted murder for trying to eat penis

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 25, 2013 at 8:44 am

Chomped up a sex toy as well. From Orlando Sentinel.

An escort accused of attacking a man and nearly biting his penis off during a sexual encounter at an Orange County hotel was arrested on an attempted murder charge Tuesday morning.

Deputies were called to the Crestwood Suites on University Boulevard after multiple 911 callers “reported screaming and growling sounds from a room on the second floor” of the hotel.

sex blood

‘No more cock for me, I’ve had my fill’

They arrived to find the victim “covered in a significant amount of blood, with numerous bite wounds,” the report states. He was rushed to the Orlando Regional Medical Center trauma center.

The man had “significant” bites to his penis and testicles, the report states, as well as damage to his leg, abdomen, chest and fingers.

His alleged attacker, Priscilla Vaughn, “was nude, and had blood around her mouth, which had spread to her face and head,” the report states, adding Vaughn “growled and snarled” at deputies.

The victim later told deputies his attacker was an escort he’d hired for Monday evening. After dinner, they returned to her hotel room, where they drank alcohol and Vaughn used Ecstasy, the report states.

During consensual sex, the escort “became more aggressive, and she began to bite his genitals. He described it as if she were trying to eat his penis and testicles,” the report says.

The victim tried to get away, the report states, but Vaughn “was too powerful and he could not get her off of him.” She also took his cell phone away when he tried to call for help, the report says.

The Sentinel is not naming the victim because of the sexual nature of the crime.

When deputies searched the room later, they found “a significant amount of blood, knocked over furniture, and strewn belongings,” as well as a sex toy that had been severely damaged by bite marks.

“The damage to the toy indicates a desire to cause severe damage,” the report says, adding it appeared the damage to the toy was done prior to the attack.

Vaughn, 29, faces charges of attempted second-degree murder, false imprisonment and tampering with the victim’s ability to contact law enforcement. She was jailed without bail.

X-Box leads to sex fight

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 22, 2013 at 11:13 am

Choosing the wrong joystick ends in gruelling groin ordeal.

A frustrated girlfriend was arrested by cops after she attacked her boyfriend claiming he would not have sex with her because he was addicted to laying his X-Box.

This little item could've killed two birds with one stone

This little item could’ve killed two birds with one stone

Heather Hayes, 24, burst in to a supermarket – naked from the waist down – and assaulted her lover in front of shocked shoppers.

She claims Eric Zuber had been playing his Xbox for TWO days with pals and had refused to sleep with her.

Zuber fled their flat to a convenience store to call police after redhead Hayes flew in to a rage.

Cops in Pennsylvania, US, said that Hayes had bitten her boyfriend’s arm and grabbed his testicles before he fled.

Zuber called police from the Lansford Turkey Hill convenience store before Hayes turned up half naked and began screaming insults at him.

They took the pair to a local police station where Hayes explained that Zuber would not have sex with her.

Hayes is charged with indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment.

She explained to police that she was not wearing any trousers because she had been trying to seduce Zuber before she ended up attacking him.

Small penis cited as grounds for divorce

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 20, 2013 at 3:10 pm

No short dicked man for this Taiwanese woman. From IB Times.

A Taiwanese High Court has granted divorce to a 52-year-old woman after she claimed that her husband’s five-centimetre penis was too small to satisfy her needs.

sex finger

What you get if you type ‘5cm’ into GIS

‘The woman, a civil servant named Zhang, filed for a divorce because her 55-year-old husband didn’t just have a small penis, but also impotent. The circumstances meant that the husband, who is also a civil servant surnamed Zhou, failed to “fulfil his responsibility as a husband”.

‘”His penis is so small, like a kid’s, only 5cm long. We’ve never had sex in our entire marriage,” said the woman.

‘She added that her husband also failed to comply with their mutual agreement of having intercourse three times a week

Woman murders boyfriend with her breasts

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 14, 2013 at 9:17 pm

Or should that be Mammarislaughter? Sorry. From Daily Mail.

A buxom 14st woman faces manslaughter charges after allegedly smothering her lover with her breasts during a drunken row inside a mobile home.

Big tit sex

Back in the day giant breasts roamed the hills looking for victims

Donna Lange, 51, from Everett, Washington, is reported to have thrown herself down on top of her boyfriend at midday on Saturday.

Police arrived at the scene following reports of shouting coming from inside the mobile home and found Lange lying on top of her boyfriend, 51, who weighed a stone less than her.

Witnesses say they heard the 5ft 7in man, who shared the mobile home with 5ft 6in Lange, pleading with her to get off of him.

One witness told The Sun: ‘She had her chest on his face – she smothered him to death.’

Lange, who was heavily intoxicated and received facial injuries in the disturbance told police she had no idea how the man had died.

Doctors tried to save him but he was pronounced dead on arrival at Washington Swedish Medical Centre.

Police said that in addition to the victim, a man and three women were at the scene, all who were heavily intoxicated.

A policeman photographed what appeared to hair the same colour as Lange’s, clutched in the victim’s hand.

Lange faces charges of second-degree manslaughter.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2263190/Donna-Lange-51-smothers-boyfriend-death-breasts-drunken-row-caravan.html#ixzz2NYDZEe9t

 

Lion Allegedly Kills Zimbabwe Woman Having Sex

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 11, 2013 at 11:35 am

Paws for thought for anyone considering Al Fresco nookie.

A lion reportedly attacked a man and woman having sex in a bush in Africa, killing the woman.

News website My Zimbabwe reports that Sharai Mawera and an unidentified male were having sex in a bushy area of a Zimbabwe village when a lion attacked them.

An earlier threesome that didn't end in tragedy

An earlier threesome with the robot off A.I that ended happily

“Unfortunately the woman, who was also known as Mai Desire, was mauled to death by the lion, but her boyfriend managed to escape naked and he was only wearing a condom,” a source reportedly told the outlet. “The two were having their quality time near Mahombekombe Primary School.”

The man eventually notified police who, along with officials from the Zimbabwe Parks & Wildlife Management Authority, accompanied him to the scene where they allegedly found the woman’s mauled body, according to the report.

The Huffington Post reached out to the Zimbabwe Parks and Wildlife Management to confirm details of the attack but did not immediately receive a response.

The story of the deadly sex — picked up by the Telegraph, the New York Post and theHerald Sun — may seem quite unbelievable. It is worth noting that a similar incident with an almost identical outcome was reported by the BBC in 2002.

In August 2002, the news outlet reported that a man and woman were attacked by a lion when they were having sex in a bush near their Tanzanian village. The ferocious feline attacked the woman, but the man escaped. When he returned later with other villagers, the lion had disappeared and all that was left was the woman’s mauled remains.

Still, the Associated Press is reporting that the National Parks and Wildlife Authority is warning Zimbabweans living near Harare to be cautious after rogue lions mauled two people to death on the shores of Lake Kariba.

On Tuesday, a lion is reported to have attacked a man and a woman in the area, according to the AP. The man was able to escape, but the woman was killed and most of her corpse was eaten.

The AP does not offer details on the circumstances surrounding the attack.

Although wild lion populations have drastically reduced in Africa over the past decades, lion attacks are not uncommon. In Tanzania alone, lions have been known to kill 100 people each year, according to the Smithsonian.

A 2005 study by the National Science Foundation discovered that 39 percent of lion attacks occur between March and May during the harvest season, when farmers often sleep outside to protect their livestock.

Man caught with penis in pasta jar

In Carnal Catastrophes on March 4, 2013 at 9:41 am

Ragu Ravager gets comeuppence. From The Herald Australia.

A MAN caught near Nobbys Beach with his penis in a pasta sauce jar led police on a 20 kmh car chase, Newcastle Local Court heard yesterday.

128166001_ragu-pasta-sauce-old-world-style-traditional-45-oz---2-

Perp was planning on a threeway later on

Police drew their weapons when they suspected Keith Roy Weatherley, 46, was armed.

Instead, they found him partially clothed with his genitals in a jar, a police statement said.

Weatherley, of Promontory Way, North Arm Cove, attracted attention parked in a no-stopping zone before noon on October 26.

Police believed Weatherley was doing something with his hands in his lap and thought that he might have a weapon.

Weatherley saw the police and drove away, despite them flashing their lights.

The chase lasted five to 10 minutes, with a top speed of just 20 kmh, before Weatherley was stopped at Centenary Drive, Newcastle. He refused to leave the car.

Four officers used batons and capsicum spray to remove him.

They found a 750-millilitre jar around his penis and noted that Weatherley attempted to continue “pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling”.

A search of his car uncovered pornography, a home-made sex aid, women’s stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.

Weatherley pleaded guilty to offensive behaviour, resisting police and disobeying a police direction.

Magistrate Elaine Truscott asked Weatherley, who represented himself, why he behaved the way he did.

He said he resisted police because he was trying to make himself “decent”.

He was fined $600 for offensive behaviour and convicted of the other two offences without further action taken.

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