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Archive for December, 2012|Monthly archive page

Eel removed from man’s bottom

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 31, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Sex with Eels is the new thing down under both literally and figuratively. Happy New Year!

Talk about being saved at the eel-eventh hour.

A man in Auckland, New Zealand had a rather embarrassing emergency last week when he had to ask doctors to remove an eel from his bottom.

eels3

Would these three fit up a man’s ass?

An Auckland City Hospital spokesperson did not immediately respond to a request for comment from The Huffington Post. But Matt Rogers, spokesman for Auckland District Health Board, confirmed that a man was treated for the condition at ACH.

Eel sex

What happened next was a new low in human/eel relations

“In response to a direct query from the Herald on Sunday, we can confirm that an adult male presented at Auckland City Hospital this week with an eel inside him,” Rogers said. “No further comment will be made out of respect for the patient’s right to privacy.”

It’s unclear how the eel got inside the man, but the patient was treated successfully and released.

Woman jailed after beating man with hammer she masturbated with during sex.

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 20, 2012 at 10:40 am

Seen fleeing house in French maid costume.

April Dawn Peters, a 31-year-old Tennessee woman was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly struck a man in the head with a hammer she had used to masturbate with.

French%20Maid%20Dingo

can I join in?

According to Newport police, 51-year-old William Wofford and Peters were having sex in his living room when Peters picked up a hammer that she was previously having sex with and repeatedly struck Wofford in the head with it.

Investigators say Peters struck Wofford at least five times in the head with the hammer before fleeing the residence in a “French Maid” outfit.

Neighbors told police that they saw Peters run from Wofford’s residence in a French Maid costume that she had purchased at Wal-Mart. While fleeing the residence Peters reportedly fell and scraped her knee.

Peters was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault.

Watching online porn may cause memory loss

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 18, 2012 at 9:15 am

Sorry, could you say that again? From Daily Mail.

People addicted to watching pornography on the internet are in danger of suffering short-term memory loss which can have a major impact on their lives, according to new research.

German scientists studied the part of the brain responsible for keeping information in the mind while using it to complete a task, critical for understanding, reasoning, problem solving and decision making.

Mr-Forgetful-1

Spends 8 hours a day on youporn

In the first research of its kind, they asked asked 28 men — all heterosexual with an average age of 26 — to look at a number of computer images, some pornographic and some nonsexual.

The men logged a significantly greater number of incorrect answers when they viewed the porn than when they saw the nonsexual images.

On average, they answered correctly 67 per cent of the time when they viewed pornographic pictures, rising to 80 per cent when they saw the clean pictures.

According to researchers at the University of Duisburg-Essen, the findings could help psychologists understand why some people with internet porn addictions forget to sleep, miss appointments, shirk job responsibilities and neglect relationships.

Airbag-Deployment-623x389

Only two hours viewing Redtube and she forgot how to drive

‘Sexual arousal and its impacts on cognitive processes might explain parts of these negative effects,’ the researchers wrote.

Previous research has linked the processing of pornographic pictures with areas of the brain responsible for emotion, arousal and attention.

‘Sexual arousal interferes with working memory, an important facet of executive functioning,’ said study author Christian Laier, a graduate student studying under psychologist Matthias Brand.

Because the current study focused solely on heterosexual men, it is impossible to say whether the findings would apply to gay men or to women.

‘It is at its first stage,’ said Laier. ‘Our results need to be tested with respect to gender and sexual orientation to verify.’

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2248923/Watching-internet-porn-cause-memory-loss.html#ixzz2FIr9o9xH

 

 

Homebrew penis enlargement goes wrong

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 17, 2012 at 9:58 am

In a case of male enhancement gone wrong Costa Mesa Fire and Rescue workers were called on Tuesday to save something they likely didn’t count on. A man’s penis that was trapped in the metal ring of a barbell.

cock marrow

incident recreate by the Marrow Growers of Great Britain

The drama began when a man in his 50’s tried to enlarge his penis by placing it inside the metal ring of a dumbbell weight fastener. The ring would then be connected to weights in an effort to stretch things out a bit.

Emergency crews say the man’s ill-placed organ became stuck inside the ring after it reportedly swelled to five times it’s normal size.

Emergency workers believe the man’s penis had been stuck for nearly 3 days prior to their arrival and the man was initially resistant to getting treatment for the problem, according to Deputy Keith Jones of the Costa Mesa fire department.

“This was a patient that was obviously having some other issues,” said Jones.

After the man finally consented to having the dumbbell ring removed, emergency workers were forced to use a pneumatic chisel to cut through the metal ring. The procedure took nearly two hours to complete, according to Jones.

Man masturbates with safety pin-with predictable results

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 15, 2012 at 10:53 am

Now this is going to make you wince. From Ghana Times.

Doctors at the Tamale Teaching Hospital in Ghana successfully removed a 12-centimeter safety-pin from a man’s penis Saturday, according to hospital officials.

skewered-sausage

A four-member team that included two doctors, an anaesthesiologist and a nurse used a surgical procedure known as an ‘open ureterolithotomy’ to carefully remove a safety-pin that had become embedded inside the 32-year-old man’s Urethra.

Lead surgeon, Dr. Akis Afoko, said that the surgery lasted approximately 30 minutes. He also stated that in order for the man’s wounds to heal quickly, urine passage would be diverted for a few days.

safety pin

There was later a punk rock ballad about the incident

When doctors asked the man how a safety-pin managed to find its way inside his penis, he initially said the object must have been fixed somehow in his bed sheets. Pressed further for a more accurate explanation, the man eventually admitted that he used the pin to masturbate with.

Doctors say the process of masturbating with the pin caused it to move further inside the urethra, close to the man’s bladder. When the man tried to remove the pin, its sharp point apparently became embedded in the surrounding tissue.

Dr. Afoko went on to caution against the use of objects inside the penis, pointing out that the practice could render a patient impotent if the injury is not properly treated.

Doctors also discovered that the patient is suffering from a psychological disorder that will also be treated.

Cooking lube sex leads to man being beaten

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 10, 2012 at 10:15 am

And we don’t mean ‘off’. From MSN

She was lubed up, then locked up.

what we're all hoping to be gifted this holiday season.

what we’re all hoping to be gifted this holiday season.

A Florida woman was fine with bringing olive oil, and even PAM cooking spray, into the bedroom. But when her boyfriend brought up his former fling named Pam, she wasn’t having it.

When Barbara Hall, 60, asked her 45-year-old boyfriend to go to the kitchen for some “sexual lubricant,” he obliged, according to police reports obtained by TC Palm.

Then things got slippery.

“Barbara asked if he had also brought the PAM cooking spray,” the report states. “Barbara believed [the victim] misunderstood what she had said, and commented on a girl named Pam. … [He] admitted to having sex with Pam recently on her boat.”

the hard of hearing Miss McFlyoffthehandle

the hard of hearing Mrs McTemper

Hall then allegedly flew into a violent rage, punching her boyfriend repeatedly and then chucking the olive oil bottle, a keg cup and a flashlight at his head. She told cops that she had no recollection of the assault.

She was arrested on a domestic battery charge and taken to jail. Her boyfriend went home.

Bisexual woman assaults girlfriend over misplaced sex toy

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 4, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Disappearing dildo leads to turkey day dust up. From The Huffington Post.

A Thanksgiving Day dispute over a misplaced sex toy ended with an arrest last week.

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Doesn’t look so hard to find to me

Police in Rock Hill, S.C., responded to a domestic disturbance at the home of Arteesha Donaldson and her girlfriend, Latoya Hudson, on Nov. 22, the Smoking Gun reports.

Hudson told police that Donaldson “began looking for her detachable latex penis” and became upset when she could not find it. The couple argued, and Donaldson threw an ironing board at Hudson, the report states.

However, Donaldson said she threw the ironing board to the floor, not at her girlfriend, WBTV notes.

According to a police incident report, Donaldson was arrested after a NCIC search revealed she had active warrants in a neighboring county. The Smoking Gun reported that Donaldson was charged with misdemeanor assault and battery

Man knifed while getting blow job

In Carnal Catastrophes on December 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm

One night stand stabs a student in the back with blade as she performs sex act.

kunoichi__battle_ready_by_akusesu

likes playing with knives

Emily Goode, 28, met student Josh Nock in a pub and invited him back to her flat.

They undressed and she ran a six-inch kitchen knife over his chest, saying: “It turns me on. Trust me — I won’t hurt you.”

She later ordered him to turn away from her, then stabbed him twice in the back.

Mr Nock, in his 20s, tried to flee — only to find Goode had locked the front door.

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Stabatha

Despite suffering from minor injuries, he finally escaped by climbing out of a rear window and clambering over a shed in Brierley Hill, West Mids.

He called police but Goode then falsely claimed she had been raped. When cops arrived at a later incident she slashed an officer’s hand with a shard of porcelain she had hidden up her sleeve.

Goode’s barrister Simon Rippon said alcohol and cocaine abuse at the time had added to an underlying psychiatric problem.

Goode was sentenced to 15 months for wounding the student and a further 12 months for wounding the officer.

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