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Archive for August, 2012|Monthly archive page

Perving drivers cause nearly one million crashes a year

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 31, 2012 at 11:15 am

And that’s why I always drive blindfolded. From the UK’s Daily Mail. 

Ogling drivers cause nearly one million crashes in Britain every year because they are too busy concentrating on members of the opposite sex, it emerged today.

Figures show distracted motorists cause an average of 2,525 crashes every day as they lust through their windows – the equivalent of 921,840 per year.

something else that may distract by the road

Researchers found drivers crash their cars into lampposts or shunt other vehicles more in the summer when men and women are wearing less clothing.

A study of 2,142 drivers found 60 per cent of men admitted being distracted by attractive women while 12 per cent of female drivers said they took their eyes off the road to leer at handsome men.

And 21 per cent of drivers also admitted that they couldn’t tear their eyes away from advertising billboards featuring pictures of picture perfect models were also a major distraction on the road.

even spongebob isn’t immune. The dirty rotter.

Insurance company Direct Line discovered 17 per cent of male drivers admitted knowing their actions were dangerous but said they ‘could not help but look’.

Spokesman Matt Owen said: ‘Stealing a quick look at an attractive pedestrian or billboard model may well be a bit of fun but, on a serious note, drivers shouldn’t underestimate that this type of distraction is a major contributing factor in road accidents.

‘The number of crashes caused in this way have not changed year on year so drivers obviously are not learning to keep their eyes on the road.’

Between 2008 and 2009, 921,840 drivers across Britain admitted crashing because they were distracted by a member of the opposite sex.

Driver Martyn Beard, 32, from Tipton, West Midlands, wrote off his Ford Fiesta last July when he ogled a girl outside a pub.

He said: ‘I was on my way into Birmingham when I saw this lovely looking blonde girl standing on the side of the road.

‘She was outside a pub wearing pretty much next to nothing.

‘I couldn’t take my eyes off her, she had the classic long legs and lovely figure.

‘My concentration drifted and suddenly I realised I was about to crash into the car in front.

‘I slammed on my brakes and this bloke when into the back of me. It wasn’t too bad though and when I told him what had happened he actually saw the funny side of it.

‘But I was gutted the girl didn’t come and check it I was OK, she just walked off and I was stuck swapping insurance details with this big hairy bloke instead.

‘The insurance paid out because the man went into the back of me but I did feel partially responsible for causing the crash.’

And should drivers try to avoid ogling in favour of singing along to the radio, that too can cause accidents.

Experts have found that motorists who sing along to the radio or their favourite CD have slower reaction times than drivers who merely listen to music.

Psychologists from Monash University in Australia conducted trials on a driving simulator in which volunteers were tested on how quickly they reacted to possible dangerous situations.

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Woman has 100 orgasms a day after falling down stairs

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 30, 2012 at 10:12 am

Tumble leads to non-stop climaxes. From UK’s The Sun.

A nurse is plagued by a medical condition that gives her up 100 orgasms a day.

‘next stop 200’

Kim Ramsey, 44, feels constantly aroused and the slightest movement can trigger a climax.

Trains, driving and even housework start the reaction. But unlike women who yearn for the “Yes, yes!” experience, Kim just thinks “Oh no!”

The orgasms leave her in pain, exhausted and unable to have a normal relationship. She said: “Other women wonder how to have an orgasm — I wonder how to stop mine.”

Kim was diagnosed with incurable Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder.
Doctors blame spinal cysts caused when she fell down stairs ten years ago.

Kim, from Hitchin, Herts, but now living in Montclair, New Jersey, US, first had problems after sex with a new boyfriend in 2008.
She said: “I had constant orgasms for four days. I thought I was going mad. It also happened with a new partner and I even tried sitting on frozen peas.”

Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4506151/Nurse-has-100-orgasms-a-day.html#ixzz251TcFoVu

Sex-crazed Angelina Jolie lookalike ‘stabs taxi driver for refusing to satisfy her a third time’

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 29, 2012 at 9:47 am

Hot/Crazy coefficient reaches critical mass in eastern Europe. From Daily Mail.

A Romanian taxi driver claims a sex-crazed Angelina Jolie lookalike passenger stabbed him after he refused to satisfy her for a third time.

Nicolae Stan told police stunning Luminita Perijoc, 30, had already forced him at knifepoint to have intercourse and perform oral sex.

He claims Perijoc had asked him to help her with his bags but once inside her apartment she demanded sex.

wet my whiskers baby

When he refused she allegedly pulled out a knife and forced him to undress.

Police investigating his claims say the Perijoc’s behaviour may have been down to the fact she was on medication at the time.

Mr Stan said that his life has been made a misery by pals ribbing him about the fact that he had turned down the beautiful double of the Hollywood star.

‘and then we make sex in the eye yes?’

He said: ‘It is terrible. I am now a local celebrity, every one is talking about me.

‘They don’t understand why I refused her, but they do not know what it is like to have a mad woman yelling at you at knife point.

‘They look at her, then look at me an laugh. But I think anyone would find it impossible to perform with a knife at their throat even if they were with Miss Romania.’

‘She asked me to help with her bag but when we were upstairs she got me in to her kitchen and told me she had to have sex with me,’ claimed the married dad-of-three.

‘I think she wasn’t used to anyone saying no because she flew into a rage when I declined. She took out a knife and forced me to undress and have sex with her.

‘But she wasn’t satisfied and wanted sex again.

‘When I refused she attacked me with a knife, and forced me to have oral sex with her but she still stabbed me,’ he added.

Friends told local media that Perijoc is a huge fan of actress Jolie and models herself on the Tomb Raider star.

Mr Stan says he only escaped when he managed to barricade himself into a bedroom and dial 999 on his mobile phone.

Police say he was taken to hospital with more than half a dozen stab wounds.

‘We are interviewing both parties to discover what could have happened,’ said a police spokesman.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2194240/Angelina-Jolie-lookalike-stabs-taxi-driver-refusing-sex-her.html#ixzz24qBU8WmG

Swingers orgy goes horribly wrong

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

Group sex smackdown. From Digital Journal.

Spring Hill – A Florida swingers’ orgy went horribly wrong when a jealous couple lost their cool during the carnal proceedings and proceeded to assault each other.

Re-enactment posed by Princess Leias

Hernando Today reports that Tina Michelle Norris, 39, and her boyfriend James Albert Barfield, 56, were arrested while naked and charged with domestic battery following the aborted late-night orgy at their home in Weeki Wachi, population 12.

Norris and Barfield, both swingers, brought other sexual partners to their home in the wee hours of Monday morning. Barfield was accompanied by another woman, while Norris upped the ante by bringing home a pair of men.

Temperatures and tempers rose as Barfield watched the two men pleasure his woman and Norris saw another woman sexing her man. It wasn’t long before the couple went at each other, and not in a good way. Norris ended up with a bloody lip, beaux Barfield’s back and neck were scratched and the objects of the couple’s temporary desire fled in fear before police arrived and arrested the feuding libertines.

In addition to the domestic battery charges, Norris was charged with resisting arrest. Hernando County Deputy Cari Smith told Hernando Today that

Norris was “very intoxicated and uncooperative,” refusing to put her clothes back on when ordered to do so. Barfield was also naked when deputies arrived.

the punchy couple

A roommate who lives in the house told Deputy Smith that she was awakened by yelling and screaming in the hallway. She left her room and saw the couple “pushing and shoving each other from one end of the house to the other, breaking things in the process.”

The roommate said the couple has a “weird relationship.”

This isn’t the first attempted orgy to go horribly wrong. According to CBS News, 29-year-old Richard Zeh of Newington, Connecticut was arrested in April 2010 after responding to a bogus Craigslist ad promising group sex at what turned out to be the home of an 18-year-old woman. Even though the young woman made it very clear that there was no orgy at her address, Zeh returned to her home and groped her anyway.

Read more: http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/331266#ixzz24ZSgIt43

Woman drowns after underwater oral sex

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 25, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Down under beach fun goes terribly wrong.

A sexual romp at a popular Darwin beach ended in the death of a 25-year-old woman, who drowned while performing oral sex on a man, the Northern Territory’s Supreme Court heard.

The woman had sexual intercourse with Christopher Sean Payne, 34, in “a number of positions” in the water off Pee Wee Camp beach, before she voluntarily submerged to perform fellatio on him.

something else romping in the water

Prosecutor Michael Carey told the court that while the woman was performing oral sex, Christopher “became excited and put his hands on her head and kept her down there.” The prosecutor said Payne told police that he noticed something was amiss when the woman stopped performing fellatio.

He wondered what was going on, so he let her up.

“He says that she did not try to get up, she wasn’t kicking or splashing, and that he really didn’t do anything except let her up as soon as she stopped sucking on his penis,” Prosecutor Carey told the court. He said that when Christopher realized the woman was dead, he “freaked out,” dressed, and drove away.

Christopher, who has been in prison since two days after the drowning on October 11 last year, pleaded guilty to committing a dangerous act on October 11, 1999. His counsel, Suzan Cox, told Justice Sir William Kearney that her client still had “recurring nightmares” about the drowning. “He keeps seeing it while he tries to sleep at night,” Ms. Cox reported. She said a psychiatrist found that Christopher had a deep sense of shame about the incident. He had required treatment for nervous outbreaks of boils twelve times in the past year.

Ms Cox said that before Payne and the woman went into the sea, they had drunk 11 750-ml bottles of beer, and an autopsy found that the woman had a blood alcohol reading of .287 – almost six times the legal Australian driving limit. “She might have just passed out under the water. That might explain why she didn’t struggle,” Ms Cox told the court.

She said that although Payne had an alcohol problem, he was considered a quiet, shy, good-natured and considerate person by his employers and friends. Ms Cox said the unusual nature of the case meant there was no need for Justice Kearney to consider imposing a harsh penalty on him to deter others.

Justice Kearney sentenced Christopher to 4.5 years on Monday. “It’s an unusual case that needed careful deliberation,” Justice Kearney said.

Superman viagra traps man’s penis in ring

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 24, 2012 at 11:28 am

Rod of steel proves problematic. From the Laguna Coastline Pilot

A man who was reportedly sitting in a car in the 400 block of Hill Street turned out to have a metal ring stuck on his penis, police said.

‘I could get my cock through that no probs’

A couple flagged down police around noon Saturday because they were concerned about a man in a car, whom they thought could be deceased, Sgt. Louise Callus said in an email. The night before, they reported they had heard moaning near where the car was parked.

Police contacted the man, who was sweating profusely and was extremely pale.

According to police, the man had taken “Superman,” a form of Viagra, and put on a 2-inch diameter ring before intercourse three days prior and wasn’t able to remove it. He said he went to a friend’s home in Laguna Beach for help.

The man told police he was in extreme pain and requested assistance from the Fire Department. Firefighters informed the man that he could suffer a permanent injury if he did not remove the ring as soon as possible.

The man was given tube jelly, Sgt. Callus said, and was able to remove the ring on his own. He then drove himself to the hospital.

Woman denies amorous advances caused crash

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

A woman accused of performing a sexual act on a man when he crashed in Darwin’s riral area is outraged at the allegation and says it is “absolutely wrong”.

the frightfully well spoken Miss White

Allyson White said the mark left by her seat belt across her chest was proof the claims of “amorous activities” with the driver were not true.

“I was not ****ing his **** — and it’s pretty obvious that wasn’t the case … you only have to look at the mark on my chest,” she said.

“Clearly I had my seat belt on, so it’s impossible I’d be leaning over ****ing his ***** unless he is hung like a donkey or I’ve got a ******* rubber neck.

“If it was true I’d just cop it sweet and think ‘how embarrassing, I got caught ****ing someone’s ****’.

“But it is not true and that’s what is p***ing me off. It didn’t happen like that at all — he was just going too fast.”

Police told in Thursday’s Northern Territory News how they believe a driver crashed his car while involved in “amorous activities” with his female passenger.

They said the 33-year-old man was distracted by the woman and veered off the road, smashing his single cab Hilux ute into a concrete drain on Pioneer Rd in Humpty Doo.

But Ms White said that wasn’t true.

“It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my ‘girls’ were hanging out all over the place.

“I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something … but $5 is a bit cheap for a **** job.”

Naked man with usb mouse lodged in rectum arrested for burglary

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 22, 2012 at 10:09 am

At least it wasn’t a usb Gerbil.From WCSC news.

A burglary call for Oconee County sheriff’s deputies turned bizarre Monday morning when their suspect was found naked with a USB-powered computer peripheral in his rectum and apparently drugged, an incident report shows.

mouse pornography

Authorities responded to Bernwood Circle near the town of Seneca late Monday morning after a resident complained of a burglar. When deputies arrived, they found Noah Smith, 24, lying face down and naked inside the doorway of the victim’s home, the report stated.

When the deputy tried to make contact with Smith, he slapped the deputy. In return, the deputy deployed his taser, which had no effect on Smith, the report stated.

With reinforcements, deputies approached Smith again in the victim’s bedroom. A deputy managed to handcuff Smith before he jumped off the victim’s bed and tried to kick other deputies in the room, the report stated.

Then, according to the report, Smith was pepper sprayed. Undeterred, Smith continued to kick at the officers and otherwise evade capture. He was struck with a police baton several times, and Smith attempted to bite the deputy.

Smith’s head and mouth were covered with a blanket to prevent him from biting. He was wrestled down so shackles could be placed on his legs and his arms were hog-tied, the report stated. An EMS crew responded and provided a stretcher to which Smith was also tied.

Deputies and officers from the Seneca Police Department opined that Smith might have been high on mushrooms, and identified equipment that could be used to get high in the victim’s home.

During a medical exam at a nearby hospital, medical personnel found a USB cord hanging from Smith’s rectum. An X-ray revealed the culprit — a mouse — lodged inside Smith.

He told emergency room personnel that he could not remember what had happened to him.

After the medical exam, he was charged with resisting arrest, 1st and 3rd degree assault a battery charges, and indecent exposure. Smith was transported to the Oconee County Detention Center.

Dubai sex Injury couple arrested

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 21, 2012 at 9:39 am

The nice & cuddly Dubai authorites show their caring side again.

A couple were jailed today for illicit sex after their love-making efforts left one of them in hospital.

is there anything fun you can do in public in the desert emirate?

SK, a 32-year-old Indonesian cook, sustained injuries to her private parts while having consensual sex in the passenger’s seat of her 32-year-old Pakistani boyfriend’s car on a roadside in Al Hamriya.

The Dubai Misdemeanor Court heard that SA rushed his heavily bleeding girlfriend to hospital for treatment, but the injury alerted authorities to their affair. Court records described the wound as severe.

Hospital staff notified police and the couple were arrested. Both admitted the affair, with SA saying they had had intercourse several times in various locations and emirates.

Prosecutors charged both SK and SA of having consensual sex while SK was also charged with working for a sponsor other than her own. They were jailed for a month each on the sex charge. SK received a second month in prison on the second charge.

Both will be deported following the completion of their prison terms.

http://www.thenational.ae/news/uae-news/courts/sex-injury-alerts-authorities-to-illicit-relationship

‘Nintendo Wii turned me into a sex addict’ claims British housewife

In Carnal Catastrophes on August 20, 2012 at 8:54 am

No doubt she’ll have use for the wii controller now. From UKs Nintendo publicity department Metro newspaper.

Nintendo’s Wii Fit game may claim to help you get fit, but after taking a tumble from her balance board, 24-year-old Amanda Flowers claims she has become a sex addict.

recent surveys say Wii controller more considerate lover than ps3 Dualshock

Following a fall from her keep-fit game board, the catering worker suffered nerve damage, diagnosed as persistent sexual arousal syndrome, resulting in a heightened state of arousal.

She told the Daily Star: “It began as a twinge down below before surging through my body. Sometimes it built up into a trembling orgasm.”

Flowers now finds herself ‘turned on’ by the slightest vibration, from washing machines through to mobile phones and requires at least 10 sex sessions a day.

She stated: “With no cure I just have to try to control my passion by breathing deeply. Hopefully one day I’ll find a superstud who can satisfy me.”

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