Archive for July, 2012|Monthly archive page

Orgasming woman passes out at bus stop

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 31, 2012 at 9:46 am

waiting for the bus with a sex toy inside you may not be the best idea. From the Jamaican Star 

Vendors in Half Way Tree, St. Andrew just can’t stop talking about a bizarre incident that took place there last week.

Tongues have been wagging about a self-pleasuring instrument that fell from under a woman’s skirt when she collapsed while standing along Constant Spring Road, just in front of the Nelson Mandela Park.

When THE WEEKEND STAR visited the area Wednesday evening, at least four persons claimed to witnessed the incident. Others heard about it.

could this have happened if the driver had been using the sex toy?

“How unnu STAR people tan suh, unnu did haffi hear dat eeeh…Unnu cudn’t mek da one ya pass,” a vendor, Max Gooden remarked before continuing to demand a ‘small’ fee for information he had. “Unnu ting ago sell off eno, gimmi a smalls man.”

Reports are that last Friday some time after 9 p.m., the woman was waiting on a bus when she suddenly fell ill

“Di woman stand up good, good a wait pon bus and she jus drop sudden suh…Me an di res a man dem a seh like babes, ‘get up, hush’, but afta couple seconds wi see seh she naw get up so wi rush go rescue har,” he said.

He then continued, “When wi go ova to har is like seh she did knock out cause she naw move but yu coulda see seh she still a breathe cause har belly did a move up and dung.”

Another man, Kevin Forbes interrupted and remarked; “a di freak woman unnu a chat bout”. He was urged by Gooden to assist in telling the tale of what had happened.

After cracking a few jokes about the woman, Forbes continued; “When wi realise seh she couldn’t get up by harself, wi lif har up, a deh so joke start pop now.”

The men claim that the instrument fell out as they lifted her off the ground. “She lucky seh she get back har strength quick, cause when di ting drop and wi look and see seh a dat, a pure laughing,” Gooden said.

“Di woman not even brush off harself, when she see seh a dat mek wi a laugh she grab it up fast, fast and chuck it inna har bag and walk go dung a di stoplight go stand up and tek one taxi.”

The men believe that the woman fainted because she continuously had an orgasm. “Nuttin but di ting feel so good a vibrate pon har, she jus come and come and come til she weak out and cudn’t even stand up nuh more,” one of the men said.

Following our visit to Half-Way Tree, THE STAR sought a doctor’s advice on whether an orgasm could have caused the young woman’s collapse.

Dr Alverston Bailey, past president of the Medical Association of Jamaica, said; “There are some vibrators that can be attached to her underclothes and controlled by a remote. It can induce a fairly intense orgasm especially if it is one which has direct contact with her clitoris…An orgasm could create a euphoric feeling and could perhaps make her feel a little dizzy.”

He said however that he could not say if that was the reason for her fainting spell. “Unless the person is seen and examined then I couldn’t say that’s what caused it,” Dr Bailey said.


Soccer star blames injuries on sex

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 30, 2012 at 9:20 am

$40K wages a week and injury through over-enthusuiastic sex with a gorgeous Sports Illustrated model. What a hard life you have Mr. Boateng. From Daily Mail.

Footballers end up in the physio’s room for any number of reasons, from the curious to the ridiculous. But Kevin Prince Boateng appears to have trumped the lot after his sex life was blamed for a string of injuries.

Weasels going at it like Kevin & Melissa

Forget former England goalkeeper David James straining his back reaching for a TV remote control, or fellow custodian Dave Beasant dropping a full jar of salad cream on his foot and severing a tendon in his big toe.

And not even Rangers and Scotland defender Kirk Broadfoot being admitted to hospital after a poached egg fresh out of the microwave exploded squirting scalding water in to his face can compare with The Prince’s series of setbacks.

Getting busy: Melissa Satta claims to sleep with Prince up to 10 times a week

The former Tottenham and Portsmouth man has only started 11 Serie A games this season through a range of injuries, the reasons for all of which, have been divulged by  his girlfriend.

That prompted Sports Illustrated model Melissa Satta to reveal: ‘The reason why he is always injured is because we have sex 7-10 times a week.

‘I hate foreplay, I want to get straight to the point. My favourite position is on top so I can take control.’

Boateng, who would be at the Africa Cup of Nations had he not  chosen to retire from international football, suffered a fresh problem last week and is a doubt for the Champions League date with Arsenal due to a muscle strain.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2090651/Kevin-Prince-Boatengs-sex-life-blamed-injury-curse.html#ixzz225z13Hfy

Firemen save trapped penis from disaster

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 29, 2012 at 9:42 am

In between rescuing cats the Spanish fire dept like to rescue cocks. From http://www.typicallyspanish.com

Granada, Spain fire-fighters have avoided the need for a penis to be amputated after it got stuck in a steel cylinder after a 52 year old man had placed it there in what appears to be part of a sexual act. 

a moving tribute to the hero firefighters

Doctors in the emergency department of the Hospital Ruiz de Alda in Granada were unable to release the member, as it seems the penis was suffering what is described as ‘an important inflammation’.

The doctors found they could not cut the tube which was some two centimetres diameter and four millimetres thick, and something over five centimetres long and which was strangling the penis, stopping the erection from going down.

The fire service decided to cut the tube with a do it yourself Bremen circular saw which the sub-inspector brought from his home and the fire service did not have such a device which could be operated with the needed precision.

Ideal newspaper says the procedure took two hours and was carried out in the hospital operating theatre.

A spokesman from the fire-service said it was the first time they had intervened in a hospital operating theatre, although they are often called to extract organs trapped in vending machines, such as fingers or arms.

The hospital has declined to comment on the case.

Naked man caught masturbating with toy pistol in anus while driving

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 27, 2012 at 8:40 am

More Florida driving shenanigans. Is anyone in the sunshine state not beating off when behind the wheel? From WPBF 24 Radio News ‘Where the wanking never stops’

A man was naked and masturbating while driving in St. Lucie County on Monday, according to a police report obtained by WPBF 25 News.

A pistol butt…see what I did there?

Robert Casey, who just turned 49 on Sunday, was driving his Jeep Cherokee in Fort Pierce when a tow truck driver pulled up alongside him, a report from the Fort Pierce Police Department said.
The tow truck driver told investigators he saw a naked man masturbating while driving the Cherokee. “The male’s hands were in his groin area moving around,” the police report said.

When Casey was eventually pulled over along the side of Interstate 95, it took him a moment to come to a stop because, according to the arresting officer’s notes in the report, he was still trying to get dressed.

When the officer asked him why he was driving naked, “Casey stated that he has problems with this and he is getting therapy,” the report said, adding that the man couldn’t explain why he was naked.

The officer then patted Casey down and found a toy pistol tied to his leg, part of which was hidden in Casey’s behind. Another portion of the contraption was tied around his genitals, the report said.

Casey was booked into the St. Lucie County Jail on a charge of lewd and lascivious behavior.

Read more: http://www.wpbf.com/news/south-florida/treasure-coast/Police-Naked-man-caught-masturbating-while-driving/-/8882916/15387742/-/xs3nygz/-/index.html#ixzz21oGGGVxh

Drummer accused of beating off while driving I-95

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 26, 2012 at 8:45 am

Ok, so no one got injured. But the driver’s excuse surely must be one of the worst ever put forward. From Florida’s Sun Sentinel. 

A female motorist reported a driver, later identified as Ronald Ayers, was performing a sex act on himself while driving on I-95 near Ormond Beach, reports the Orlando Sentinel.

well i guess in a certain light…

The 36-year-old Jacksonville musician drummed up an excuse for the deputy who later pulled him over: Ayers said he’s a drummer who commutes between Jacksonville to Daytona Beach and he frequently simulates playing the drums while driving by hitting his steering wheel with drum sticks, which were found between his two front seats, according to the report.

But the woman was sticking to her story and reportedly insisted that it was not possible that she mistook the drum sticks for his penis.

Man shagged to death by 5 wives

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 25, 2012 at 8:15 am

who said polygamy is risk free? From the Daily Mail.

A wealthy businessman – and husband of six – has died after allegedly being forced into a marathon sex session with his ‘jealous’ wives.

Nigerian Uroko Onoja was having sex with the youngest of his spouses when the remaining five are reported to have set upon him with knives and sticks – and demanded that he have sex with each of them too.

Benny Hill’s medical themed re-enactmentof the tragic events


Mr Onoja went on to have intercourse with four of his wives in succession, but ‘stopped breathing’ as the fifth was making her way to the bed in Ogbadibo, according to Nigeria’s Daily Post.

Two women have been arrested following the incident in the state of Benue last week, said the report, which used the term ‘raped to death’ to describe the businessman’s fate.

Mr Onoja is understood to have returned from a bar in the small community of Ugbugbu, Ogbadibo, at around 3am on Tuesday, and headed for the bedroom of his youngest wife.

His five other wives – who were said to have held a meeting to discuss their intentions before their husband arrived home – are then alleged to have burst into the bedroom armed with knives and sticks to insist that they too be granted their conjugal rights.

The businessman, who has been described as a philanthropist who ‘contributed positively’ to the growth of his local community, is thought to have resisted the demands of his wives’ before being overpowered.

Mr Onoja reportedly stopped breathing and could not be resuscitated after having sex with four of his wives in a row.

His youngest spouse is quoted as saying her five fellow wives ran into the forest when they realised their husband was dead.

The head of his village, Okpe Odoh, told the Daily Post the matter had been reported to police.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2178201/Uroko-Onoja-death-Husband-raped-death-5-wives-paying-attention-sixth.html#ixzz21cTwtvph


Angry villagers steal man’s penis

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 24, 2012 at 7:38 am

Looks like the victim been playing around too much with his neighbor’s wives. From Daily Star UK.

A man is recovering in hospital after four men broke into his flat and cut off his penis.

the poor victim

Police are hunting the masked intruders, who are thought to have acted over accusations that their victim was engaged in affairs with local women.

The 41-year-old told cops he had been asleep when the men burst into his bedroom around 4am.

“They put something over my head and pulled down my trousers and then they ran off. I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing – then I saw I was bleeding and my penis was gone,” he said.

Although emergency workers searched for the severed organ, they failed to locate it and believe it was taken away by the attackers.

The victim, Fei Lin, a rural migrant worker in the eastern Chinese village of Nigiao, denies the alleged affairs.

Giant penis triggers airport security

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 23, 2012 at 9:09 am

Nothing was hurt except the pat down officer’s pride. From iAfrica

A man known for his enormous penis was stopped by security at San Francisco International airport and questioned about the bulge in his pants, he was reported as saying Thursday.

Jonah Falcon, 41, has an organ which is 9.5 inches long when flaccid and 13 inches (33 centimeters) erect, according to Rolling Stone magazine. He has featured in a number of documentaries about the world’s biggest penises.

He was returning to New York from San Francisco on July 9 when he was stopped, after Transportation Security Administration (TSA) agents saw a bulge hanging down over his left upper thigh.

“They wanted to know if I had something in my pockets, and when I said no, they asked if I had some sort of growth,” he said, according to the San Francisco Chronicle.

He told them it was his penis, and they checked around his crotch, although not too closely. He was delayed for five minutes. The incident was not his first. “I’ve gone through the (scanner) before, and I wasn’t worried.

“What was the worst that was going to happen? I was going to have to whip it out for them? I’m used to that. Sometimes when people ask me about it, if I’m feeling up to it, I’ll just show them.”

In a tweet at the time Falcon said: “TSA didn’t know what to make of the massive bulge on my thigh. Even after I went through that body scanner that shows you naked…”

A 2003 Rolling Stone story entitled “Mr. Big” reported that Falcon’s penis was eight inches long when he was only 10 years old. It quoted his mother as saying his organ size was genetic.

“He was born like that, and he was always big for his age. But it’s not his big penis, it’s society’s need to fixate on it. We’re in a world where men see their manhood in their penises.”

The TSA did not immediately respond to a request for comment. Nor did Falcon.


Banana implicated in fatal sex and cocaine threesome

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 21, 2012 at 9:58 am

Banana importer in the frame for swanky sexcapade. From NY Post.

The feds are investigating a Long Island banana importer in connection with a deadly, drug-fueled sex romp at a swanky Park Avenue hotel in 2009, The Post has learned.

I fucking love cocaine

The probe recently led to the arrest of Thomas Hoey Jr.’s ex-mistress for allegedly lying to a Manhattan federal grand jury, court records indicate.

Nicole Zobkiw, 28, is charged with perjury and making false statements for denying that Hoey, 44, a married father of two, gave cocaine to her and Kimberly Calo, 41, before Calo collapsed and died in Hoey’s $700-a-night room at The Kitano.

Zobkiw’s defense lawyer, Leonard Lato, said that while “much of what she said [to the grand jury] was false,” there was no “criminal intent” because “she was under intense pressure at the time” due to bad advice from a previous lawyer.

Hoey’s lawyer, Joseph Conway, said that an earlier probe by the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office was closed without any charges being made.

“If anyone continues to make allegations, we steadfastly deny them,” Conway added.

A spokeswoman for the Manhattan U.S. Attorney’s Office declined to comment.

Read more: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/feds_eyeing_top_banana_role_in_fatal_2t6so8DrAMg5I4JughDfwI#ixzz21FWYnfrs

Traffic signs destroyed by pole dancing prostitutes

In Carnal Catastrophes on July 20, 2012 at 8:19 am

OK, so they’re not human. But even traffic signs have feelings right? From UK’s Daily Telegraph. 

Dozens of traffic signs have been destroyed by prostitutes performing pole-dances in the street to attract clients, officials in New Zealand have revealed.

street sign threesome

More than 40 poles have been bent, buckled or broken in the past 18 months in one area of south Auckland, New Zealand, it is claimed.

The signs, bearing legally required notices such as parking restrictions, are thought to have cost ratepayers thousands of dollars to replace.

“Prostitutes use these street sign poles as dancing poles,” said Donna Lee, an elected member of the city council’s Otara-Papatoetoe Local Board.

“The poles are part of their soliciting equipment and they often snap them.

“Some of the prostitutes are big, strong people.”

The revelation emerged as the community board published a tell-all booklet detailing frustrations of residents and businesses struggling to cope with the rampant sex trade on their doorstep.

Part of the area Ms Lee represents is Hunter’s Corner, which has become notorious as a meeting place for prostitutes and their customers.

Bernie Taylor, a local resident, said: “We had a parcel delivered to us recently and the address was ‘Hooker’s Corner’ and it found its way to us with no problems whatsoever.”

Locals turned out with placards to welcome publication of the community board’s report, which calls on parliament in Wellington to give Auckland Council powers to ban sex workers from certain areas of the city.

The report outlines other street incidents, including an angry clash in which it says a transvestite rammed a supermarket trolley into a woman’s car before lying across the bonnet, and a school-bus full of children observing a transvestite changing her dress.

John McCracken, the board’s chairman, said: “We are beyond moral outrage.

“We just ask for some reasonable control of this industry.”

But the Prostitutes Collective warned that outlawing popular streets would encourage sex workers to stop carrying condoms in case they are questioned by police.

Co-ordinator Annah Pickering told Television New Zealand: “They’ll be expected to pay a fine, which they can’t pay.

“They’ll go to court, then they have to come back on to the streets and work to pay them off.”

New Zealand has some of the most liberal prostitution laws in the world after the sex trade was decriminalised by the previous Labour government in 2003.


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